How does a farmer get a girl? He atTRACTs her. – Salvador Arevalo

Where do astronauts go to hang out? The space bar. – Courtney Coulburn

Today an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. – Gabby Cast

What did the shark day when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny. – Gabby Cast

‘’’A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?”

The man replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.”

“You need to take them to the zoo,” the policeman said.

The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer said.

“I did,” the man replied. “And today I’m taking them to the beach.”’’’- Michael v.

“A man comes home after a hard day’s work and opens the refrigerator

to get a soda. Inside, he sees a squirrel taking a nap.

“What are you doing in my fridge?” the man asks.

The squirrel opens one sleepy eye and says, “Isn’t this a Westinghouse?”

“Um, yes,” the man replies. “It is.”

“Well then,” the squirrel says, shutting his eyes again, “I am trying to west.”

-David T.

A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.

“One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darling.” But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, so he waited three more years.  At the end of these five years, he wanted to ask her to marry him, so he waited another four years.  

Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, he led the lady to the most romantic place in the kingdom and said, “My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?”  

And the lady said, “Pardon?”

-Vincent F.